morning dove

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Well the finches sadly did not make it; as we had a storm come in and blow their eggs out of their nest … so they moved on … but this week have noticed that we now have a morning dove nest in our tree ūüôā

_MG_5962 _MG_5976 _MG_5963


mother’s day

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Happy mother’s day to all you wonderful moms out there ūüôā


This day has been ¬†bittersweet for me for the last 7 years … a special message to my mom …
I miss you and I wish I could hear your voice and chat with you especially today… even though I talk to you all the time … I wish I could hear you answer me.


morning and male finches

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We have learned that male finches defend¬†¬†their female mates rather then a nesting area ¬†… and so we observed these 2 males fighting. These are not the best pictures as I was standing on the wrong side with the sun and they are so fast¬†and difficult to capture; but I like the silhouette images.


And a random morning shot from my morning walk today … I am loving this weather ūüôā


have a great weekend!



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Sandy’s ashes were¬†ready for me to go pick up .


They had been ready for a while; I just could not get myself to go get them. I knew that going to get them would make it all so final.

This week¬†my daughter¬†spoke about Sandy and told me she misses her and asked me “when will Sandy¬†come back home”, and said;¬†¬†“daddy can bring her home now” (as she remembers seeing him take her away).

I had the most vivid dream the other night that I came down the stairs and there she was curled up in¬†her favourite spot at the bottom of the stairs … and I was so happy for just a moment as I savoured that delightful thought and then the reality that it was a dream hit me and I woke up.


I am doing better … her sister is finding comfort in us; and us in her. Strange how life is like this; here one day gone the next. No matter how many losses I have been through ¬†it never gets easier.

I took my first walk finally this week; with just her sister Bianca. I used Sandy’s leash and collar on Bianca and let her smell it before I placed it on her; in a sense it was my way of bringing Sandy with us. ¬†It was really hard for me … in 12 years I have never walked just one of them alone; and even Bianca found it rather odd as her sister used to take the lead.


Last night my husband brought home her ashes… I am not sure what I will do with them, but for the moment I will just hold on to them.


time change

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I love springing forward

I think part of it is knowing winter has very little¬†life left … but the longer days is one of my favourite parts ūüôā



more of Sandy

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more pictures of my sweet pup Sandy … just cause… well it is the only thing bringing me some comfort at the moment … looking at pictures of her and thinking of her

these were some of the last I took of her



if you haven’t seen it here is my goodbye dear¬†Sandy post¬†


goodbye dear Sandy

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Yesterday was a terrible day 

My dog died


My dear dog of 12 years

My partner

One of my best friends

My pup


She was my crazy dog
The kind that jumps on the counter to pull a box of pizza off and eat the whole thing in seconds
The kind that drags a baking cookie sheet on the floor so she can eat all the hot boiling apple crumble off of it
The kind that loves you unconditionally no matter what

That unconditional love just amazes me

I’m not sure how we pick up the pieces and go on …how life doesn’t stop and just goes on

I was there when she took her last breath and as I called ¬†her name and said ¬†please don’t go she tried so hard to look at me, she tried so hard to not let go, but she could no longer stay

Yes this is life as many say and it’s the cycle of life

I don’t want to hear that right now; so please don’t bother saying anything at all to me

I know the cycle of life all too well, no one needs to remind me

I want time to just stop!!!!

Death sucks and I mean it seriously fucking sucks!!!
Not for the one that dies but  for the ones they leave behind, they somehow need to pick up the pieces and go on 

I have been through this too many times

That pain in your chest that hurts so much it feel like it is compressing your lungs
The tears that pour down like a broken faucet
Searching for your breath  

Sandy was there for me for everything; during almost all my twenties and most of my thirties.
She was by my side for all the losses I went through.
The loss of my other beloved dog who was like a mom to her.
My dad, my mom, my grandmother, and just a few weeks ago my uncles’ death.
All my miscarriages; where I buried my face in her fur and cried.
She was family.

She greeted me at the door every time I came home; no mater if I was gone minutes or days.
She said goodbye to me every time I left, staring at me through the window as I drove away as if to say ‘please don’t go’.

And now she is gone and her sister is still here;
And Somehow life is supposed to just go on.

The tears will dry up
The breath will return to normal
The sun sets
The sunrises
Life continues

The pain doesn’t go away we just learn to live with the heartache
Our hearts don’t truly heal but rather learn to beat with the pain
And with memories that bring us happiness and sadness all at the same time; we somehow manage to pick ourselves up and somehow we go on

And  with each death I not only miss the newly departed but think of all the others that have left me
And how much they are all missed and loved and never forgotten

We are all just visiting here, spending some time together making connections
Loving each other… learning to live in the moment¬†

My dad and mom always said this to me:
‘vogliamoci bene ora che siamo vivi’
‘Let’s love each other while we are alive’
And dogs more then anyone I know; know how to do this best
They love with every inch of their beings,
You can feel the love seeping out of their souls.
And they know how to live in the moment¬†… in fact; I am not even sure they know anything but the moment they are in

Sandy pup

Dear Sandy,
You were an amazing dog
So sweet and gentle and so mischievous all at the same time
We all miss you so much
The kids are sad
I am a mess
Your sister keeps looking for you
I keep seeing you in your favourite spots around the house as if you are still here
Know that you are loved beyond what you could have ever imagined
And will always live on in our hearts forever
I hope you are running wild and free over the rainbow

Rest in peace
February 9th 2003 – February 11th 2015

sandy back

I was there only days after you were born and was there the moment you left this world
You chose us with your witty sense of excitement and for that I am forever grateful for the amazing 12 years you gave us! 

we miss you … as my daughter said at bed time last night “why is not Sandy here?” ūüôĀ


To all my wonderful friends both in real life and online thank you for your kind words
Your support
Your offers to help
You have no idea how much each one means  to me
And I thank you from the bottom of my heart

Christmas wish … Buon Natale

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Dear friends and family

Near and far … here and gone ….

Christmas is about love and magic; so  I wish you all a magical love filled Christmas.

May you be with the ones  you love and love you and may you  never forget the ones who once were and will always live on in your heart.

Merry Christmas

Cari amici e familia

Vi auguro un Natale pieno di magia √® amore …

Spero che siete circondati di quelli che vi amano e che amate; e che non dimenticherete mai quelli che non ci sono pi√Ļ con noi; ma vivano nel nostro cuore per sempre.

Buon  Natale



animal testing

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why I do not support companies that test on animals …

a mailbox in the middle of nowhere

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Feeling very melancholy lately;
I know it is that time of the year for me.
Missing my parents like crazy.
Often daydreaming of what life would be;
to have them here with me.